ann kueiling

One Republic - Apologize (Good Audio)

2007-08-15T14:05:00.001+08:00

This is the original version without Timbaland

2007-08-15T13:45:00.000+08:00

"You may only be one person to the world. But you may also be the world to one person," says Edwin's Chookchai Thai cup.

My Lappy Aka Outofbounds had just passed away yesterday. At Cine iShop, Peter helped me with the "recovery" of the lappy and it turned out to be an autopsy. His COD is unknown and as Peter puts it," It is time to go."

He was my biggest asset I've ever saved money to get.

And now I have to get a new one. I know it is just a lap top but he had been with me to places like Taiwan, Bali and the office. He had been a real important mate. Other than feeling lost, I am just hoping I can still retrieve some data from the hard disk dug out from him. I can't bear to get a new one... But as Lynn puts it, "It is easier to move on if you find someone new." Lynn's damn funny. She was entertaining me while i am trying not to cry alone in iShop.

But as I was in the iShop holding my tears, they kept playing this song and I fell in love with it. Apologize by Onerepublic feat. Timbaland.

music video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7_SGee4

Thank you to Peter and Lynn and Changli for laughing and yes, Edwin for trying his best to keep me laughing when he is not feeling that good either. LOve all of you!

2007-07-17T18:16:00.000+08:00

Let Somebody In
The Magic Numbers

But you don't know how
And you want to feel
But you're not allowed
And you want to cry
But you don't know why
And you want to give
But you're not that kind

When you gonna let somebody in?
You might get hurt just a little bit
When you gonna let somebody in?

Said, you want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to trust
But you're not allowed
And you want to cry
But you don't know why
And you want to give
But you're not that kind

When you gonna let somebody in?
You might get hurt just a little bit
When you gonna let somebody in?

You want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to feel
But you don't know how

Favourite song for now.

2007-07-13T14:26:00.000+08:00

Jess had gone to Australia... Felt kinda bad that I could not send her off cos I was off in Bintan. But I am quite glad that I need not shed tears in Changi Airport cos it will be so embarrassing. Instead I cried over the phone in Bintan. Heh. Heard the rest cried too. Dun try to bluff me.

Our sentosa trip before she left. Cos we went to sentosa back in those days when we all had bad hair days and really really bad fashion sense. Luckily i din have the negative. if not i will definately post it here. ha ha.

Yes... the kind of photos Jess take when we are all caught off guard.

We'll miss your thighs....

And your powerful crocs!! Damn... i am already having the withdrawal syndromes of without-Jess days.

How time flies right? One moment we are dressing up for Racial Harmony days by the Chung Cheng hu and now we are lawyer, chemist, OT, marketing people in the making.
I am glad we turn out these ways and not like some of the people that you read their blog and go "wow! she/he is screwed..." (Remember that night when we chilled at Lynn's place and we were reading some of the screwed up lives on their blogs? heh heh)

But I missed the days when things were much simpler. Sigh sigh sigh.

Love you babe. Please update your Facebook account yeah.

Love you piggies!

2007-07-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

Just sent Jac off on Sunday. Babe, we are so gonna miss her and her screamings on Tim's car. Haa haa. I am so envious and happy for her that she is leaving this shit hole country.

Remember remember... This was her birthday dinner at MSQ. Not very grand but nice...

When she and Peini went mad over the winter-y stuff. Cute la. The two of them.

Me, as usual trying to squeeze 4 heads into one photo with my superb "zi pai" photography. But i like the effect. All of us just having fun and drinking teh and having fried dumplings. heh heh.

Yup. We took this at the airport before she burst into tears after hugging her relatives.

Now, I am wondering... Who will send me off when I leave the country and who will cry for me? I know this is rather sick to think this way. But hey, I am sick this way.

So this is my plan: I will leave Singapore for good to work in another country. Like Taiwan, Hong Kong or USA or even Europe. For 2 years. Simply becos I can't afford further studies financially and in practical timing, I will be too old to give birth. Ha ha.

So I am going to save up in the next 2 years and i will be able to fly off and i will know who will send me off and who will cry for me.

I still think i am a genius. At least i have a dream to pursue now :)

2007-06-27T02:54:00.000+08:00

"How do you expect someone to love you when you don't love yourself?"

I was told.

Yeah. Cos I thought with people loving me, I am loved. I like the idea of destroying myself and having someone else to save me. I don't even give a fuck with all the smoking and drinking despite knowing how I am killing myself. I am just looking for someone to stop me. To care enough to stop m. To save me. So technically I am not responsible for myself. My hero-to-be will.

Until he reminded me. Without taking care of myself, how am I supposed to give someone that problem?

Guess I took it for granted that there will be someone there for me always.

This is so screwed up. I am fucking my life up and I can't stop.

Fuck.

2007-04-18T02:09:00.000+08:00

3rd Night of Celebration. 15th April 2007

I met up with Felix and TH for clubbing at St James and we had good time dancing to the tune of Nelly Furtado. As usual, the DJ there loves to play "Hurt" and "Unfaithful" back to back. i wonder why. But I enjoyed myself there, meeting Steven (the boy that i had met there previously. looking still so cute. heh heh.) and knowing Junior who is studying to be a hair stylist in Monsoon. hur hur hur.

I still got free ride home from Soldier. Heh heh. See these lovely guys again later for supper. Something that is so memorable and precious to us. heh. Bak Kut Teh! Here we come!

2007-04-18T01:54:00.000+08:00

2nd Day of Celebraton. 14th April 2007.

It was just a normal sms from Tim asking if I am free for dinner on this day. Thinking it was another soccer match that he want me to witness, e.g. How Arsenal lose (they did not lose that night, by the way), I agreed. Surprisingly, he asked if I wanna eat home cooked and he can prepare it at his home. Aww. I thought we might end up buying pizza. But this is what we had...

We went shopping at Cold Storage, one of my favourite super marts and he just let me choose whatever i want to eat la.
It was almost perfect. Like the way I always liked it. Home cooked.

With some sausages,pork knuckle, salad, tomato soup (my favourite!) and to add to it, there was Ice Wine. Bloody good stuff.

If he had dropped down on his knees and asked me to marry him, i might even agree from the amount of Ice Wine that had intoxicated me. It was so nice. Like how Tim will say," Very Nice" in his Borat way. haa haa

And there we were just eating, drinking wine to the tune of Ella Fitzgerald and some Bossa Nova. This is life. Despite the fact that we can't have the Rewind button, i wished i could Pause the night and make it stay this way; with me bring Happy and High. No upsets. No Expectations. No disappointments. Just plain fun and friendship.

And then he surprised me more with the gifts!

The rocking horse charm that I always wanted and the super retro birthday card i loved from FunkDeco. Damn I love this boy. Now I really owe him a skinny tie and alot more for his birthday next year. haa haa.

Jac dropped by and sorry... we did not take any photos cos i looked really burnt that day. heh heh. but i lurve the cookies!

Despite an idiot calling and almost ruining my night, I enjoyed watching GoodFellas in the really cold living room and with Jac and I dozing off once in a while.

I love you guys. Really. More to come when Peini comes back with my alcohol and we can have another round!! :) Muaxxx!!

2007-04-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

1st Day of Celebration. 13th April 2007.

Whee~~~ I was so happy over the weekend, I still quite stop smiling to myself thinking about it. Last Friday, I booked a room at Gallery Hotel and boy, did we enjoy ourselves!

The hotel is beautiful. With room numbers on the floor and both my guests presumed the room correctly by hearing my laughter outside at the corridor.

Although sometimes it felt like someone or something is missing...hmmmm

Karen and I had fun testing the lights and took photos while waiting for 2 more pretty people to arrive.

When they reached, we had fun with the cushions...heh heh...

Then it was off to DBL O for more drinks and fun!!~~

Tequila shots...

High people...

Wonderful babes...

We later went 7-11 where I got to choose my birthday "cake" and I got dark choco M&M, Ferrero Rocher and Coke!! for my presents that night. Ha!!

There's my cake!

While the 2 "high" people enjoy themselves among the balloons...

the other 2 are really busy burning 11 candles on my cookie dough. heh heh.

Before I slept that night after finishing the cookie dough with a can of Coke, i announced loudly:" This is the reason why I booked a room! Cos I do not need to bathe!!!!" and I slept without knowing and yes, without bathing (benefits of being the birthday girl. heh)...

And it was morning and after much lazing around, we were off to the pool and me to practise swimming!

Not without taking some last few pictures with the lovely balloons. The night before 3 balloons actually burst in my face. Argh.

Dear beautiful photogenic peeps, thank you for the balloons, ice cream, chocolate and Coke. And yes, the birthday present which i can only receive 2 months after. I love them all and I enjoyed myself so much i really din wanna check out that day. As discussed, we should do this more often! This is life and this is how life's gonna be if you wanna be happy. No?

2007-04-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

My New Song

After watching R&J musical edition, I found a new song. My Song.

Young Heart Run Free
What's the sense in sharing this one and only life
Ending up, just another lost and lonely wife
You count up the years, and they will be filled with tears, oooh
Love only breaks up, to start over again
You'll get the babies, but you won't have your man
While he is busy loving every woman that he can, huh huh

Say I wanna leave a thousand times a day
It's easier said that done, when I just can't break away
Just can't break away

Young hearts, run free
Never be hung up, hung up like my man and me (oooh)
Hmmm, my man and me
Young hearts, to yourself be true
Don't be no fool when loving is all there is (oooh)
I said I don't love you

It's high time, just one crack at life
Who we want to live in, trouble and strife
My mind must be free, to learn all I can about me
I'm gonna love me for the rest of my days
Caress the babies every time they say
Self reservation is what's really going on today, oooh

Party on!!~~~

2007-03-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

I dyed my hair!

Nope. Not pink. My hairdresser was kind enough (or practical) to tell me that pink is not as nice as i had thought so. So my hair consist of purple hair which are kinda hidden. Yes, I know they should see the light but I dun have that much guts yet.

Bao Ling was patient enough to sit me through the whole 3.5 hours with me in the saloon. Heh. What followed were wonderful glorious food. We had the yummy Korean food we had 2 months ago and the meal was simply heavenly. Took photos but too lazy to upload. After which, we had Haagen-Daz (dunno how to spell) ice-cream. Argh. The mango sorbet is ............ fabulous................

Thank you babes! Love you guys especially for the late night talks and crazy overnights at Hong Kong Cafe bitching about almost everything we possibly could. It had never occurred to me that i will ever find friends that can click so well after my poly days.:)

As Baoling and i sat at the saloon, i started asking her about diving so i consulted my diving guru for advice. She surprised me with a piece of news when she told me bitterly that she can't diving this year. She's pregnant!! Haahaa. Kinda interesting to see this couple, getting together, diving together, damn fun together, getting married and now, they are expect a child!! The fact that they are the most exciting and "entertaining" couple i had ever known and they are expecting a child is so AHHH!!! They are like a pair of kids sometimes and they are so sweet together la. Which reminds me that some things can't be rushed and as said in "Man and Boy", love is about fighting for it and about letting go... blah blah blah...

I guess fate will let me meet the guy. The one with the goatie, wearing a striped shirt with a white tee inside, spins for a club and serious and matured... heh heh. My friends with me at DXO will know what i am talking about... heh heh...

time to google his name... heh heh

next up: my tattoo. :)

2007-03-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Shuhai!!

Firstly, I am sorry that I was so late, appeared empty-handed and you had to pay for my cab fare some more. Heh heh. I did not expect a 26-year-old party to be this fun actually. You liked the cake dun you??

Heh heh. Birthday boy with his cake. Hmmm. How do I start with describing this friend of mine?

I even forgot that I knew him back at the air conditioned Concourse in Mediacorp Studios until you guys talked about it last night. Known you as the slacker at the nice place playing Sudoku. And me? I loved the air conditioning so I will find excuses to hide in there when the office is kinda unfriendly. I will try to solve his Suduko and irritate him cos he wanted to solve it all by himself. If not, I will look for a particular, extremely rare piece of prop that he gotta help me dig the most dusty parts of Concourse. If not, I will be argueing soccer with him. Arsenal rules while he thinks Liverpool rules.

That is us before I agreed to go take the bloody Vortex with him and Shiwei. Ailing is smart enough to volunteer to take care of our bags.

On my last day at Mediacorp, I exchanged numbers with hell lot of people but he is the few that I am still in contact with.
Although he places the craziest bets on soccer, I admire his guts to throw $$ away like that la. All I need to do is to drop him a msg and faster than any mobile service, he can update me with who's playing against who almost immediately. I remember there was once i got angry cos he kept saying i will lose and i really lost. i guess it was wrong timing la. bad mood already then he added fuel to fire. idiot.

It was kinda fun getting to see Merry-Go-Round with wooden horses. There's a magical feeling to it...

So this idiot will sometimes play prank and call with his officew number and ask for Mei Nu. Always freaks me out cos i always forgot to save the number. So the night when he supposedly said that his birthday is to go to Kbox, became the night when I almost came as close to a hangover without drinking at all.

Yup, this is the Vortex below. Bloody 9-storey high. 9!! I lived on the 10th floor and kinda proud of myself already. and there i am, being flung in midair 9-storey above.

Conversations that took place during the ride:

When shouting "Ahhhhhhhhhh" don't work (cos i already lost my voice)
me: "Fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkk YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

me: (during a really quiet timing when the machine kinda hang us in midair)"Am I gonna die here with you??!!
Birthday boy: "No... "
me: "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" (machine flung us 180 degrees down)

me: silence. (machine moving so fast, all i heard is wheezing sound)
birthday boy: "are you ok????" (worried that i knocked out already)
me: "yup... SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

me: "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

I tot i could still see the cloud and seeing my legs hanging over my leg.

i tot i was alright. but after a bottle of green tea, poor birthday boy and ailing had to accompany at a void deck till i felt better. it almost felt like a hangover. except there is no alcohol. just flipping myself upside down will do.

but i was glad that i made it alive to tell the story.

"I could touch the clouds!!"

Happy Birthday to you again and I really hope you had enjoyed yourself. We'll go shopping for your present one day k. Erm, save the amusement park thrill rides for another day. We will just sit down at a nice place with nice coffee. heh heh. idea hor :)

2007-03-16T19:42:00.000+08:00

Finally, I managed to restrain myself in asking friends out for shopping or movie outings. I realized, I just needed to be alone. Not out drinking, shopping or even chilling out with friends.

I need to be alone without feeling lonely and being comfortable with myself (sounds weird, I know). After chilling out with Poh Ling and Jia Yen last week, I could not rebutt their point that being single is good. Indeed. I need myself back. Like Ann. Not the Ann that loves someone. Not someone's girlfriend. Just me. Not the Ann that is dependent on someone else.

I saved pretty much from this week and I am really really determined to get some abs. had been jogging for days and next week will be filled with jogging plans as long as there isn't any movie screening that I need to attend. No shopping till pay day. Gotta save for my tattoo and pink hair and if possible, private trainer. Heh heh. More details later.

Gotta go buy some food stuff with my mum now. Getting ready for the big day when my honourable uncle come back from whatever country. not that i hate him. he is just unlikeable. you know, like irritating.

Weekend's coming and it is dedicated to Oliver Stone! Heh heh. Can't bear to finish my book. yet i can't wait to start on Tony Parsons. Irony.

*When the laughing stops. The carnage starts!*

2007-03-13T23:07:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt so cold inside that no sweater can keep you warm?

"It is so funny, it hurts. It hurts so much that it is funny."

Irony. Oxymoron. Whatever. I am one living example.

2007-03-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

She is Sarah. She is princess who trapped herself in the castle. For fear that she will pluck the wrong flowers and die from poison or step on a spider and get stung. Birds that flew to her will be chased away for there may be Avian Flu. She was all alone but she felt good and safe.

"As long as I am protecting myself, no one can hurt me. I am happy the way I am."

Or rather, that is what she think so.

One fine day, just after the rain. She heard a voice calling for her.

"Psst. Psst."

It's not the calling by the flowers to make her play with them. It is not the voice of the birds that try to sing her every day.

"Psst. It's me."

Sarah looked down her castle. It is a Pumpkin! It had got a crooked yet silly smile on its face. Most importantly, it glows.

"Who the hell are you? Why do u have a light bulb in you??"

"I am Pumpkin. I am here to hold your hand and to love you."

"Why do you want to do that? I have never loved before and I never will."

This conversation went on for months. Pumpkin only glows when it is talking to Sarah. When Sarah refuses to talk to him, the flowers and birds can feel its sadness.

Sarah finally popped her head out of her castle and said, "I miss you when I don't see your light. I miss you when you wasn't there talking to me. I miss you when i drink pumpkin soup."

For the first time, Sarah walked down her 6 storey castle and stood barefooted, as she could not decide which pair of shoe to wear, in front of Pumpkin.

And the story goes that Pumpkin showed her the way of love and she came out of the castle more than she ever had for the past 18 years of her life. She plucked flowers from listening to Pumpkin.She avoided all the spiders and nasty stuff with Pumpkin looking out for her. Everything was NICE. She was happy. So was Pumpkin. She was no longer scared. But there was something. Something that is missing. Something Pumpkin can't give.

She was scared that everything will end. She, being Sarah, became paranoid all over. But that was not the missing thing. What was missing? She couldn't say it in words. And she is still looking for the answer. Pumpkin was perfect. Pumpkin loved her. Pumpkin took care of her.

"What could be missing?" asked the flowers and birds.

"I don't know. It is like 2 missing nails in physically term. Almost unimportant. But when it comes to the heart, it is like a black hole. Sucking my mind in."

"Do you still love Pumpkin?"

"Of course I do!" She replied so loudly, that she felt that she was trying too hard to cover her uncertainty...

2007-03-11T01:59:00.000+08:00

I just need to blog tonight...I am typing from a 'Flexible Full Size Keyboard'. It is a rubber keyboard i got from the IT fair... other than looking out for cute boys, I happily bought a Travel Pac multi card holder and Travel Pac 4 port USB hub. Both in white which matches perfectly with my lap top. Tim made a perfect IT shopping partner with no grumble or complaints. it's just very Singaporean of me to want to squeeze with the crowd and be part of the "fun". I am so gonna bring the keyboard to use at work so i can eat at ease while working. without having to think if i will dirty the keyboard with bits and pieces of food :) i got wireless mouse for my dad too. while i am happy with my mini cute free mouse, i gotta stop myself from going back to buy some more...

Anyway I decided that i should start reading again. not books from the library but rent books from a shop in Far East. Like that I will not take it for granted and I will really read. I am currently hooked on My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccoult. Greatly recommended by Magic Pie and I never regret started reading cos it gave me a different perspective and give me another reason to go home and not go out and spend $$.

oh yeah. did i mention the dinner Tim and I had??? Damn. that idiot got his pay from the nation and wanted something niiiice. so we ended up at Millenia Walk choosing restaurant and guess where we spent more money on. Candy Empire. Despite the shitty things they had in Vivo, i just cant help but to buy some chips of Lime and Black Pepper flavour and Salt and Vinegar flavour.. Result: Spent nearly $30 bucks in there.

Given the tired legs and lack from sleep from last night's la kopi session, we decided on Outback Steakhouse. One of life's beautiful yet guilty pleasure.

Damn. it was shiok. other than finding wax in my cup, everything went fine. Well, Tim, of course, got to know me more every time we meet up. Shit. he is so gonna write a book about me and all my secrets if i ever become famous. ever. heh heh.

*i am so gonaa stay at home next week to read my books and save money. But i am still thinking of the digital SLR, iMac, weekend car, my tattoo, a lasik... all got to do with spending and pleasure. damn.

2007-03-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

New Hair, new look, new start.

Heh heh. finally photos of myself with my new hair. courtesy of Sonia. Asking me to stand under the soft light and with my fake eyelashes that harden my eyelids.

I sought comfort in Magic Pie.

I sought comfort in a saloon tucked in Far East Plaza.

I sought comfort in the hairdresser that showed so much concern for my hair.

I sought comfort in work.

I sought comfort in watching DVDs.

I'm going to see comfort in exercising.

I'm going stop seeking comfort in alcohol and smoke cos they are simply too taxing to my body. My cough's not stopping and my hangover's getting from bad to worse.

We lost to time. I still blamed it on the spoon that I broke on the first day of Chinese New Year. We lost to timing. We had the longest break yet things happened which is beyond everyone's control. Everything was dreamy like cotton candy. Despite everyone telling me that this is better for me, I still felt that I lost someone close. Someone who showed me a different world, a different realm. A realm that I had never expect myself to walk into. We did crazy things in that realm. "Young and Dangerous", you said. "Yes. We truly are." was my reply with a smile. We had our doubts and we succumbed to them eventually. I know it is as difficult for you as it is for me. We tried. Didn't we? It's a problem of wrong time, wrong place, wrong person. You had said this to me before but we tried to make things right. Yes, we did. & I never regretted.

2007-03-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like may
I used to hear those violins playing our strings like a symphony
now they've gone away
nobody wants to know the truth
until their hearts broken
dont you dare tell them
what you think to do
till they get over
you can only learn these things
from experience
when you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me
till it happens to you

- Till It Happens To You, Corinne Bailey Rae

2007-03-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

Damn. After days of anticipation, I did not strike TOTO. But it is interesting how this 10 million TOTO thing actually brought some light to a much dull and life of a Singaporean.

As I was queuing up at Muguran, a "wang" place which had stroke TOTO 17 times, it is interesting to observe everyone's behaviour. There is hardly any eye contact thinking that "she might know my number". The air was still with a sense of excitement. It's as if you can hear everyone thinking of the things they would do with the prize money. Suddenly, being a Singaporean is not that boring after all. We all share a Singapore Dream. The dream of striking a $10 million TOTO Ang Bao.

There is still hope for me. I had placed bets for Sat and Sun for a particular number that I can't say for auspicious reason. Heh heh.

Now I am thinking of an iPhone... or a car... or a trip to China with my parents...

Wish wish wish me luck!

2007-02-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

So much stuff happened during the gap that I did not blog. Well, might as well just use photos to say it all out. *Beware: Long post ahead*

HAppy Chinese New Year! Greetings from YCK!

This is Yi Ai. She looks so good in this photo that I gotta blog it. :)

Mellie left for Aussie on Valentine's Day. Din get to send her off. No.. I did not go clubbing... my food came late and I was having fever that night... Sorry Mellie... I will miss you. Love you!

Happy Birthday Jac! My IMC bud! Now i am not 22 only... haa haa haa...

Finally i met up with my cousin... and huishan and ivan... and i learnt how to use the paranormal function on my camera!!

Visited Keng's house for CNY. He is not in the picture becos there are 4 girls on his bed... haahaa....Sally is cool tho... :)

Had Yusheng with my parents at a restaurant called Li Bai at Sheraton Towers. Yusheng always tastes good cos they are only available during CNY.

Went clubbing at Zouk with MCM mates that I din even know during school...Stupid Keng. Dun snigger... i was drunk and yeah........ guess the flaming Lamborghini is on me so u will not spill that night's beans...

Met up with the piggies and the day when Jess, Chang and Kelly met Uncle... heh heh. Also the night when Uncle got fucking drunk. argh

Took this on Valentine's Day when the food took so long to be prepared. yes, i am still bitter. see who's at the background? heh heh. the dinner was great in the end with all the sheesha and chocolate sundae with babes like Lisa and Junee. Din get the rose from Uncle tho. the restaurant gave it to us. He wrote me a poem instead. haa haa..

Finally got the mood to blog cos the CNY fever is over tho this weekend is another frenzy overhouse visits and lunches... and also Uncle and I finally resolved our argument just now. Heh heh. He is going to England to study and we will not be meeting till the day his Everton plays against my Arsenal cos he will be taking school break. What to do... It is unexpected and all I could give now is support and the loving he needs.

Alright. Time for me to cough my lungs out. My coughing is causing damn muscle aches and i gotta cough so hard that my pee almost leaked... argh...

2007-02-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

WE ARE ALL LONELY PEOPLE.

When I'm feeling lonely, all by myself, I make sure I have activities lined up for the week so I will not feel so lonely.

But when 2 lonely people try to meet up, it is almost impossible cos they both have activities lined up and there is absolutely no time for each other. It is like a vicious cycle.

Then you get tired of all the anticipation cos they will not be real. There will be promises but they do not come true. Yet you do not want to give up cos there might be hope of these 2 lonely people meeting up. I just need a little more faith...

anyway we had a little gathering today for Sonia's birthday followed by an incredible beautiful shoes and colourful dress shopping trip...

nice photo...

Crazy one...

Sho-nia scared of ann...

see how fair can these 2 ladies be...esp beside me...

It was fun until it became painful when there are shoes and dresses you love that you can't buy... haa haa..

I am still thinking about the pink satin lace shoes...

Counting down one more day!

2007-02-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

I LOST MY HANDPHONE IN OFFICE TODAY.

I am really upset at why are there such dishonest people that do not return handphones to the owners. Do not take what is not yours. Your teacher never teach you is it?

I see my charger, I get reminded that no matter how careful you are most of the time, you will still lose it in just one moment. Less than 10 minutes. Oh well, you can switch it off within minutes. Fuck you. I am more forgiving. I am cursing whoever that took my phone will lose all their hair. If they are females, they will start having facial hair. Hair so think they have to wax their face.

I miss my fone. Changli, you are very honoured. You are the llast person to be photographed with me on the poor handphone. I hope it gets a good new owner that can take good care of it. After all, it is more than a phone to me. It is my last point of connection with Brown Cow.

On the bright side, I am finally getting a new number so Brown Cow need not receive my phone bills anymore. I will be getting yet another new phone! Sony Ericsson? Or a HP PDA? iPhone??? Hmmm.... Maybe it is back to my lost Samsung D-820.

If not for a receipt, i might be lost from uncle already cos i realized i can't memorize his number until now. Counting down 4 days...

I will be making a police report tmr for the loss of my precious phone. My hopes are slim but i believe there might be a hero that is brave enuff to make a difference for me... or at least for my phone.... heartpain. no need to do hair and specs already... $$ goes to phone..

Next week friday is a forced leave day. and bloody hell, uncle got into trouble and he will not be booking out on fri. idiot crazy boy but i still lurve him la.

Baby, it's one month already. :)

2007-02-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

Counting down 5 days...

Yes. I just finished watching "Vagina Monologues"... What I thought I knew, was nothing after watching this DVD.

Like I found out, the clitoris, a female sexual organ, functions solely to induce sexual pleasure. It contains twice the number of nerve endings as the penis (taken from www.wikipedia.com)!! I never knew this fact! I never knew I have an organ that is surely for sexual pleasure!

I agree totally with her especially about tampons and G-string. But i will still go for Brazilian waxing afterall. Mutual respect ma...

I went to Chinatown to buy $299 worth of bak kua. Hardcore i know. But this is one funny thing about being Chinese in Singapore. It is just fun la to queue in the heat just to buy bak kua. Heh heh. Thank you Changli! For coming down all the way just to accompany me... I love you!

Us. or rather me happy with the bak kua!!

Should I watch Heroes before i sleep???

2007-02-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

Counting down 4 days!

You know it's Chinese New Year not only when you are shopping like a mad woman...

You know it when you come home with smell of pineapple tarts in the oven and seeing mummy making the tarts :)

you know when Chinatown comes alive with all the lightings and crowd...

There were puppet show "live" in Chinatown and it is really nice to see Singapore putting effort into keeping the heritage...

The puppet show backstage:

This is realy interesting cos there is a voice over artiste (or auntie) doing the voice over and the uncles will talk halfway and play the instrument for a while.. like *chattering chattering...* then *clang!* then back to *chattering..."

We should really do something to keep this tradition alive. Especially if you are chinese.

2007-02-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

I guessed my mood is better today after shopping with Randi and buying a really adorable rocking horse charm necklace instead of the bag i was looking for. Realized i was shouting to everyone over the phone last night...

Conversations with venom.
"You know what? I bought a rocking horse charm necklace. And I am really happy... hee hee"
"What is a rocking horse charm???"
"It is a rocking horse pendant on my necklace. Really nice... next time i show you k..."
"So does it rock???"
"No. It's flat........."
-_-" I think he's still wondering why it cant rock and it is called rocking horse.

My counsellor met up with me... I guessed she knew I am not feeling good. She drove me out on a "ride".

"Do you need to go home early?"
"No..."
"Okay... we go find petrol station..."

*Lost in Bedok. Can't find petrol station. Afterall, 2 female brains will not improve directional sense.

"Alright, i am not really looking for petrol so urgently. I will send you home..."
"Huh?? I will be really upset if you are sendingme home now. I feel like i was being asked out and being sent home by the same fellow without a span of a few minutes..."
"Look, my parents are coming back home. I need to return the bloody car."
"Oh. Why din you tell me earlier?"
"Cos i tot you can reach earlier?"
"But you said i can take my time... Why dun you tell me earlier??????"
"I will send you home now... Want some ice cream????"

Bloody hell. If my counsellor is not a girl I would have killed her with my rocking horse charm and it's 2 balls. But I still lurve you sister!

Time to ZzzzZzzzz to recover from my heat rash... on my face...

2007-02-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Kat!

21 years old liao hor... She is truly my mahjong kaki. In fact, i only get to know her after i quit Gior and we played mahjong together :) The many nights we spent together over a game of mahjong... This was at Hotel Rendevous while Singapore is fighting hard against the Thai! Boy, suddenly I am so proud to be a Singaporean :)

Eileen and me:

My favourite Pasir Ris friend! (Love you!) Joell and me:

Birthday girl Kat with me:

Machiam family photo. Kat, Ah Boy and me:

Me Being myself as usual la... Got makeup on might as well takemore photos...:

2007-01-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

The Collage we did for Bao Ling last last week for her birthday!

The Lucky birthday Boy

Absinthe looking good....

Birthday Boy happily preparing his Absinthe. The one with 70% alcohol.

Gasp! Peini drinking Absinthe!

Ang/ Ann family!

Brendan Ang and Ann Kuei Ling

Andrea Ang and Ann Kuei Ling

More photos coming on your way!!

2007-01-29T23:54:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I still have a boyfriend in NS despite me having been through the whole process. Damn. Still, I can't help to wait for his call at 2230hrs and hearing his lazy voice trying to sweet talk me.

Anyway I had a much entertaining weekend, as usual. Saturday was bring Yi Ai to YCK really early to prepare her for work. Still I was late because of the bloody lousy public transport in Singapore. Afterwhich, we went down to a fish farm run by the successful ah beng businessman. It was so funny and yert touching to see volunteers trying to catch "long kang" (drain) fishes for their trainees. Will upload some photos later on. And there I am trying to catch all of that onmy camera, without it getting wet too.

Went down to Tim's 22nd birthday. Yes, we are all turning 22. Argh.

Watched Singapore beat Malaysia in the penalty shootout. Did not even cheered as much when Arsenal won Man Utd. :) Boy, it feels good seeing Singapore winning M'sia.

Had 2 shots of Absinthe. Uncle would have been angry if I get drunk after all his warnings.

"But no one to help me clean up my vomit if I get drunk. You are not here..."
"Damn you la... Don't let my girlfriend drink that!!" Erm, he trying to tell Tim.
"Tim! Uncle says hi!" :)

There! I've got plans for this week! I show you!

Monday: Shopped at Bugis with office buds and drove my first passenger, Randi home! Safely!

Tuesday: Meeting Magic Pie. Hopefully can catch a movie

Wednesday: Waxing with Randi followed by clubbing with Gior buds

Thursday: Jogging

Friday: Jogging

Sat: Everton Vs Liverpool. I've half Everton fan now, so sorry Liverpool fans friends. Shopping in Bugis with my photogenic club :)

Sunday: Suntanning at Sentosa!!

Anyway one of my most bimbotic yet closest friend Kelly has a online store. Go check it out and if you are my friend, buy from her: http://missypixie.livejournal.com

And yes, she is the model but she is attached. :)

Counting down 10 days...

2007-01-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

Just put the phone down with Val and realized I can actually afford a car! I will spend the $$ no matter what so might as well spend it on a car. Just like how I juggled with my part0time job and afforded a laptop. It is gonnabe a long long commitment... I know. But I got to discipline myself this way.

Uncle's going to enlist and frankly, I am relieved ina way that I know where he is and why he can't reply or call me. He will learn more and he is able to entertain the people in there also. That's for sure. :)

Work as boring as usual. All the people can't work with us because we have no $$!! Tell me about it......

Damn I love Tim for Tim being Tim. He is a real good company to just rot and drink with. All da crapping and bitching. Cool. Love you, dude. :)

Sorry for not posting photos of Uncle and despite me wanting to tell people reading my blog how we got together, I guess I am just not ready yet. We are still trying to settle down in our new roles and when the time is ripe, you guys will know more. Provided we last, that is. :)

It's Friday and I had planned nicely what I am gonna do for the weekend so I do not miss Uncle so often... hee hee.

My head's kinda spinning from Menthol Light and I think I wanna spend more time with my new $150 (gasp!) mattress and $70 (gasp gasp!) pillow. Courtesy of my parents :)

I Love them. Muacks! Alcohol makes me a happy and chirpy fellow......

2007-01-24T21:11:00.000+08:00

This is how my year 2007 went so far:

1/1/2007: Found my first platonic friend, Tim!

3/1/2007: Passed my driving test for first try!

6/1/2007: Went through first round of interview, Arsenal won Liverpool & found Uncle

6/1/07- 20/1/07: Nerves went haywire, thinking of possible new future

20/1/2007: Failed second round of interview

21/1/2007: Had my first authentic Korean food in the spirit of Rain with my photogenic club (no spelling error here)

24/1/2007: Magic pie's last day. Found out my pimple outbreak is in fact, rashes. I am allergic to EES, a kind of antibiotics which happens to be one of the most common medication in the world.

26/1/2007: Uncle's enlisting day. Damnit.

Everyone's leaving. Bollocks.

2007-01-23T00:14:00.000+08:00

There are so many questions yet so little answers.

Time will tell how long my patience can last and how lasting can my tolerance be.

Somehow I can feel it wearing thin. But my stubborness just refuse to succumb to it cos I do not want to end up like another "case study".

Let's just see how long this will last.

2007-01-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

News flash: I did not get the job. I am not going anywhere either. Ann's still stuck in deep shit and she can't swim her way out.

The mixture of feeling when I know I did not make it was complicated. I wanted to leave yet I can't. I did not want to leave you yet I wanted to.

I should not have expected you to call.

I should not have expected you to say "I miss you"

I should not have expected you not to say "I miss you".

I wanted to leave you cos I know you are free and I do not want to tie you down. I did not want to leave you cos I do not know what our future will be like.

As I am trying to find out why it turn out this way for me or is this my destiny, maybe I need to find a new job.

Wait. Where's my resume?

2007-01-19T12:42:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my big day yet I can't stop watching Heroes. Magic Pie has a way of making me cry when talking to me on the phone. Sudddenly, its seems like I have alot to leave behind afterall.

"Imagine you had not known me. Imagine this was before you know me. Then it will be easier for you as you had thought it would be."

Damn. I am really starting to love Venom.

2007-01-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

I got to mention this on my blog. I am talking to Clara again and I am really glad that she called me as I walked past her. We talked and realized we had been misled, misguided and totally misunderstood each other due to someone. Someone that should not have been in the picture and she knows what she is doing by doing all these shit to me. I had stop hating her. She doesn't even deserve my hate cos she is so pathetic and so insecure with herself, she did all these things she did.

Amanda, if only you knew what I had been through. If only you made me regret that I lost Clara and the rest for the past 3 years. If only you know what you did was not right.

If only. Damn you.

2007-01-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

Saturday is another nerve wrecking day. I need the job alot especially the cash that comes along with it. But I am having second thoughts because of Uncle. He is supportive of my decisions but I can't bear the thought of leaving him in Singapore. This got to be the most thrilling roller coaster ride of my life so far. Everything is so uncertain. Not until Saturday and Uncle is enlisting in one week's time. Damn. This is going to be tough. I wish he could just stop me from going but he wouldn't.

Now, I am on MC, (I spoilt my vocal thingy, i wonder why) I can make good use of the time to do my research and prepare for Sat. Please wish me luck?

Hopefully I can finally go out with my baby, Uncle. :)

2007-01-10T15:51:00.000+08:00

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

2007-01-07T19:41:00.000+08:00

Final Score: 3-1

I would have gotten free beer from Brewerks whenever i visit there if the score was 4-0. I would have lost and got to buy a beer if the score was 2-2. Arsenal rocks my world and I am glad they did not let me down.

After the match ended, thanks to Mr Tattoo, Mr Long Arm and I went off and had the earliest Macdonalds breakfast ever. Afterall he won 10 bucks for supporting Arsenal. Followed by just sitting down at UE Square, watching all the cabs drive by and waiting for 6am to avoid the midnight surcharge, looking for toilets, chilling out some more.

It was nice and I enjoyed myself that night.:)

2007-01-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

Traffic Police - Singapore
Class 3 Driving Test Assessment Checklist

Insufficient acceleration: -2 marks

Fail to keep left (road hogging): -6 marks

Fail to check blins spot: -8 marks

Total Number of Demerit Points: 16

Result: Passed

A BIG BIG thank you to all my buds that sent me the encouraging messages and wished me luck. Thank you Chang! For being there to witness it first hand and your prayers that all bicycles disappear came true! I can't stop smiling now.... Hmmmmmm

2007-01-03T20:52:00.000+08:00

2007-01-02T14:58:00.000+08:00

I wish you the best in everything you do. I am glad that you had moved on. As a matter of fact, I might be feeling this way due to my ego. The fact that you had found someone so soon and me not. The fact that I had to be at home with no plans when I hear this piece of news. The fact that there are no more eligible men around in Singapore. So 6th Jan better work out for me. I need to leave this place.

Someone come bring me on a jet plane and send me to the Bahamas or somewhere far far...

2007-01-02T14:48:00.000+08:00

It's interesting how i am breaking people's heart when my heart is being broken at the same time.

Ouch Ouch Ouch.

2006-12-28T10:23:00.001+08:00

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I (honey I)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

I've been cruisin down this road for a while now,
I should tell the truth...
Girl you've been so good to me but I know
I'm no good for you
You should run while you can
Find yourself a better man
'Cause I'm known for brief romance
And breakin hearts across the land

Yes I've been known to have a few temptations
Out there on the road
And let's say hypothetically I've slipped and
Took a couple home
Girl I know that's not fair
You need someone who'll be there
So just get away before it's too late
And you're pain is too much to bear

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I (honey I'm)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

Now on second thought maybe we'll give
This love another try
'Cause I can't see you with no one else
I'm selfish I can't lie
So let's go, let's go slow
You know all you need to know
It could end one day but
Let's just say we'll see how far it goes

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I'm (honey I'm)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

2006-12-22T10:11:00.000+08:00

My dear friends,

I just made a total elf of myself. Check me out by clicking the link below.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=785208fe4395c50cd4c62eeG06122116

Hee hee hee. Merry Christmas!

Regards,

Ann

2006-12-22T01:58:00.000+08:00

This Christmas is definately going to be different from the past 3 years. I had "forced" my best girlfriends to accompany me through Christmas Eve. Sorry Li-Sa, decided not to go for midnight mass cos I had this feeling I will feel damn lonely in a whole room of people.

I like to hide from reality alot. Just like I knew my bottle of perfume will smash on the floor if I do not take good care of it, it nearly fall on my foot just now. Luckily it made only a small cut. But my dad had to clear the mess for me. (Thank you Daddy)

Cousin said, "You fall in love easily." I tried to deny and realized she was right. I am quick to fall out of love too. If you consider that "Love". I am beginning to doubt my capability to fall head over heels over someone. Maybe only in the beginning.

For years I had not put in so much effort in Christmas shopping. But this year, i realized there are alot of people that are really important to me and I had to show them my gratitude.

To Piggies, I love you all. Thank you. For all the talking and listening. For being there for movies and just dinner.

To Office Buds, thank you, thank you, thank you. For being more than just colleagues. For being a friend to Ann.

To iamsoblur, thank you for bringing me to YCK. Thank you for showing me that happiness can come in different forms.

To Yi Ai, thank you. Thank you for showing me how simple happiness can be and how I had taken mine for granted.

To Yck-ians, thank you for the saturdays, overseas trip, dinner and crazily long hours of chatting over coffee.

To Family, thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for keeping the house door open for me.

To Cousin, thank you for your company and fun. Thank you for being bloody frank with me. :)

To Mahjong mates, Thank you for letting me know taking leave to play mahjong is not just for the game. But it's for the company.

To Counsellor, thank you for calling and thank you that you bothered.

To Magic Pie, thank you for your songs, your words, your hugs.

To Brown Cow, thank you for being you.

Thank you all! Hope you like the Christmas gifts and enjoy this Christmas!

2006-12-21T00:52:00.000+08:00

Schedule for this week (18th Dec- 24th Dec)

Monday & Tuesday: Stayed home with Mummy cos the rest of the week is gonna be busy

Wednesday: Date with Takeshi and Changli, followed by Christmas shopping

Thursday: Driving, took leave for my beloved mahjong kakis, meeting Cousin for dinner

Friday: Exchange present with colleagues, shopping, stayover at Lynn's

Saturday: Proceed to Escape Theme Park with YCKians, house party with YCKians

Sunday: Iamsoblur's baptism, followed by my own home party with the ladies

Is Monday a holiday? I am getting confused...

So happy that I managed to get this plan out. Must type it out so I will not miss any event. If not, I will be so screwed.

2006-12-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

I remember we were watching "Imagine Me and You" one day and the 2 of us cried over the movie. But we did not tell each other we cried despite knowing the truth that we did. I like to run and hide away from reality and not face it.

The thought of losing you and not having you by my side freaked me out cos I was simply used to that feeling that you will be there for me. It was only after the long talk we had on the phone then I realized how silly was I. I was the one who gave up first. I was the one who had moved on. I simply refused to face the truth.

I am relieved now that we are still friends and we still care for each other. This is enough. Although this is going to be the first Christmas I am spending without you, i am so gonna make it up with lots of mahjong. :)

I still love you, as a friend, i do. :)

2006-12-11T23:41:00.000+08:00

I am really sorry.

Thank you piggies. Tonight was the first time that we go drinking at a pub together...Thank you for all the talk...

Anyone wanna go drinking tomorrow? I don't want to be home free and easy and end up sending disturbing messages to Brown Cow and make him feel worse.

I am really sorry for everything. I can't turn back time but I am getting my punishment now. My mind's racing every night thinking of the "What ifs" and one side is telling that it is impossible. Being unable to sleep for nights are painful enough plus the remorse and guilt trip that i am going thru.

Please tell me how i can make it right or at least make it up to you. I want to stop or at least reduce the pain that that i had caused.

I am really sorry.

2006-12-11T13:16:00.000+08:00

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

2006-12-10T01:45:00.000+08:00

Brown Cow told me sent me an email today. I told him I dun wanna read it cos i am accepting the truth well now and i don't want any email or sorts to screw me upside down again.

When i reached YCK MINDS, Roland and Jaron looked at me and said you looked different. "Is it i look prettier?" They gulped. "Damn. I don't look that bad right?" They gulped again and went back to their stuff.

Anyway i sent Yi Ai home today and as i sat at the bus stop outside her house, i felt really silly about me being myself this way. She really taught me the purest state of happiness. Going down to MINDS session never fail to cheer me up. Their laughter and smiles came deep from their hearts. And I asked myself why can't i be as happy as them? Oh yea, remind Ann that she thinks too much yeah...

Took this photo when we went for swimming trip. She was so happy. :)

Stayed at YCK till late helping with props for MINDS Camp next week. Tho partially I was secretly hoping Secret Pie can sneak through the Parents and i can meet Magic Pie at a later time...

At least I became the Bunny Girl:

Did some super heroes stuff:

Followed by supper at Chomp Chomp. And sweet of Wei Yang to send all of us back!

Maybe i am able to face Brown Cow's email. :)

2006-12-09T00:46:00.001+08:00

Talk about emotion rollercoaster.

1400hrs: "I'm sorry." We or rather, he would say, I decided to give it another shot.

1400hrs - 1800hrs: Thinking of how to tell the rest and what to update on my blog. I am all ready to settle down and give my best to this. More or less, my heart had decided. Yes, it will be for the better :)

1800hrs - now: It is all over. No more need to tell or conclude anything. It is all over. Is it because that you love her more than me? Did I do anything wrong? My head spun as the crowd moved around me in VivoCity. "Randi, wait. i can't do this. Can I join you for the happy movie?"

Walked to Habourfront and saw you there. Just standing there wearing a blue t-shirt I had never seen you worn. Carrying a BUM plastic bag. Like you just went shopping. With her? Waiting for her? My mind racing, I just lost. It was like being sucked into the Black Hole. Silence. I walked towards you, with so much so much things to say.
You were caught by surprised. And I realized how distant we are in fact. Nothing came out of my mouth, partially I did not want to cry in the happy shopping crowd in Habourfront. You were so distant that I realized we could just be strangers walking past each other just like that.
The pain of realization. Sorry Randi & Lisa... Lucky the movie was a funny one. Heh.

Walked into 7-11, grabbed a Pall Mall Menthol and a Barcardi Breezer peach and for the 1st time, the 7-11 cashier said to me: You should not be drinking this on your own, you know." With the most concern eyes that a 7-11 cashier can give me. Even he cares.
Luckily you came.

"Please. I need you tonight. I do not know how to get through this tonight" and you came. Thank you so much. The crap we talked, the hugs and just being there for me. Words can't describe how grateful I am that I got to know you. This goes out to you and Macdonald House. Did we smoked half a pack away? But it was...really. You do not know how much you had helped. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

2006-12-06T14:20:00.000+08:00

"Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down

Would you let me?"

These are the times when Magic Pie performs Magic on me. Magic Pie promised me colourful sheep too! U know, like colourful chicks.

I like this song. Magic Pie gave me.

Trouble Sleeping- Corinne Bailey Rae

It's late and i m feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing
Could it be I'm suffering
Because i m never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
(please please)
Tell me i dont see myself
Couldn't I blame something else.
Don't say i m falling love
Some kind of therapy
Is all i need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
that can cure me completely

Could it be I'm suffering
Because i m never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me i dont see myself
Couldn't I blame something else.
Don't say i m falling love

It feels really terrible when your mind is running marathon non-stop and you are so tired but you just can't sleep. Man, now i need to stock up on red wine.

I only managed to go home last night for the whole week:
Monday - Therapy Sushi with Chang
Tuesday - Home
Wednesday - Driving, Special Party
Thursday - Special Handover
Friday - Driving, Games Meeting, Clubbing
Saturday - Session, Overnight fishing
Sunday - Sleep in the morning, chang's concert at evening

Packed yet fulfilling schedule. I tried to stay at home last night and my mind went mad. I should keep this schedule up.

Next:
Watch Happy Feet with Li-sa
MINDS Camp
More driving lessons
Forget and let go
The piggies should meet up when Jess comes back next week.

DAmn. It's a long holiday week for Christmas. But no point for me to take leave to make it longer. heh heh. Save it up for next year :)

2006-12-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

Time to face the reality by myself now. It was a nice plan on my own without sparing a thought for the ones who loved me.

In my perfect world, there are platonic friendship.

In my perfect world, we can still be friends after a relationship.

In my own little perfect world, I am happy. With someone I love. He/she will be happy too.

In reality, I am protecting myself before there is anything.

In reality, man are man. unless they are gay. And girls are girls. still.

In reality, there is no such thing as the perfect world.

Time to move on, Ann. Face it and deal with it by yourself. It will soon be easy for you once another brown cow appear. The nightmares and insecurity will be gone and you can be friends with Brown Cow again. Just friends. Purely friends. No more things left. Whatever things there could be.

In the meantime, I gotta stand on my feet. After all, this is my choice.

2006-12-05T00:20:00.000+08:00

Ah!!!!!

Things are really not working right for me. the bloody icon on blogger is supposed to be there for me to post photos. and photobucket is not helping either. now i feel like cutting my hair. like i always do when something important to me ended.

I love you Chang! Thank you so much for coming out me to pig out on Sashimi and Sushi. I really would not know what I might have done if you are not there to meet me. You do not know how important this dinner was to me. Thank you darling. all the girlie talk and fresh japanese food. i am really grateful to you guys. (Though i am apologizing for showing you how cruel the reality can be, ha ha ha) But its nice to know that i can rely on you piggies whenever i needed you. I love you! which is why i am going to your concert on Sunday. (kidding only, heh)

my sincere apologies to my darling colleagues for the sudden outburst this morning. i was late for work and just "how's the trip?" is enough to kill me inside.

i regreted going on the trip. it would have been easier to let go without the trip. Edward was happily going on saying ho the "trip created so many couples" and "ann, can go ROM soon already right?" Thanks to OKY, she distracted him. hah.

i am feeling better now because you are sms-ing me. sms-ing me like nice stuff. which shouldn't be the case cos i need to let go. we need to let go. before things get ugly and we end up hating each other. how does this work? i have no idea. is there like a manual to handle such situations that i can buy from bookstore? maybe watching "Just Friends" can help?

or a map? a map that points out which direction i should take. or a chocolate fudge sundae? or peanut butter M&Ms?

yes, i need MAGIC. To make it all go away.

2006-12-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

Feel Fine- Augustana

I'm leaving today, so why don't you care...
I am afraid, I am afraid...

Tonight...
I'm running away tonight...
Tonight...I am.

So far away, say what you say,
I am afraid, I'm so afraid...

Tonight...
I'm running away tonight...
Tonight...I am.

Throwin' all my calls away,
You don't need me, you don't need me
Drink at night and sleep all day,
Well I don't need you, I don't need you
I drove on every interstate,
You don't need me, you don't need me...
Well anyways, yeah anyways,
It's over, over, over, over now...

Tonight...
I'm running away tonight...
Tonight...I am.

2006-12-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

Home now from the trip. No, it wasn't a make-up trip.

Brown Cow and I had come to a conclusion.

Brown Cow's gonna go to greener pastures of a different owner's.

While i will continue to plough and work hard on the farm hoping to get a similar cow. To make me happy. Again.

I should have seen it coming. The new owner will not like me "ka chiao" Brown Cow and I certainly do not want to spoil the new relationship.

Am I bitter? Sure I am but I am happy for Brown Cow and this type of ironic feelings are the worst to cope with. Being the pessimistic person I am, I laid out the possibilities and made the future a even more bleak one.

Magic pie is trying to make me feel better. Magic Pie is good at doing what Magic Pie does best. Magic.

I am okay. I just need to deal with it and chill.

"If I was magical, I'd do it for you. For you to trust again and not to have your heart hurt so much..."

I believe in Magic. I believe in Magic Pie's hugs and words too.

2006-12-01T10:09:00.000+08:00

Still love this song after so many years. Maybe 6 years? since i first heard it.

Last Kiss- Pearl Jam

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, up straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said "Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight I lost my love, my life that night.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Oooh~ ooooh~

Will be setting off to Cameron Highlands in a few more hours. And i still need to go back home during lunch to collect my sleeping bag. Damn.

Hopefully it will be an enjoyable trip. with no problems whatsoever. :)

2006-11-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

I was bathing when I realized. No point fretting all over brown cow. I had seen this coming and well, I was the cause of it.

Can't believe I still have to gatekeep my own content on my own blog. I still care how people see me. Maybe after this, I don't anymore. Or at least, lesser of it.

Grassland is vast in Singapore. Brown cow has his own and I am still seeking greener pastures. I am happy for him and he certainly deserves better someone better than me.

Me: " I told you I am not a good person to start with."

Kelly: "We all aren't. That's what makes us normal."

I smiled finally after seeing this. Despite breaking my slippers, the MOS Burger nuggets and mustard made up for it. It is amazing how you can make me smile at the toughest times. Must be your words. You are better with words than anyone else that I know of.

But I sure love having peanut butter M&M in the morning. Before lunch.

There are so many things to say. Yet they are all choked up.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Feels better now.

2006-11-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

Who can bring me to Boston? Where no one knows my name.

I don't even know what I am doing already. I know I am hurting people that love me. I can't promise them anything. Neither can I let go of them.

I need to be able to be on my own and not lean on anyone whenever I feel lonely or just need to be loved.

Only the most insecure people are unable to commit. Like me. Who loses trust and is so jaded, she shields herself away from anyone even before they can get near.

Lack of commitment is just an excuse. She trust no one. Not even herself.

2006-11-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

Question of the day: Do you even offer to pay for the dinner when you ask a girl out?
Your answer: "But if i ask girl. Girl say yes. I happy. I pay. Wen go Boston. Can. I Bring. Is it we take plane."

You drunkard.

Your answer cracks me up and i am wondering how long can we maintain this way? And yes, you were right. There is no such thing as platonic friendship. Not even between girls.

Have anyone heard of this song?

Boston- Augustana

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone
Oh it has begun
Oh dear you look so lost
Eyes are red
And tears are shed
This world you must have crossed

You said you don't know me
And you don't even care
Oh yeah
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field
When flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you

You said you don't know me
And you don't even care
Oh yeah
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah

She said I think I'll go to Boston
Think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
Think I'll get a lover
And fly him out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston
I Think that I'm just tired
I Think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I Think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of a sunset
I hear it's nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice

Oh yeah

You don't know me and you don't even care
Oh Yeah

"How now?" I asked Brown Cow.
Brown Cow: " Moo."
"Thank you, Brown Cow. Will there be a better cow than you? Will i be just as happpy without you? Will there be browner cow around? Will i stop comparing and just settle with you, my Brown Cow?"
Brown Cow: " Moo."

2006-11-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

hey ya! i am still alive for your information.

blogging from Babyface :) they actually have internet available for karaoke singers here. in case it is not their turn to sing, they can come to blog. cool right. ha ha.

i am partying hard and working hard too. typing with high alcohol level n playing 5-10 with whoever is not singing. seems like RyAN is king. i drank a whole glass becos of the bloody birthday boy.

just finished one round of 5-10-15 with Raymond. this is interesting... i might b going to the new Madam Wong later... hmmm... got alot of drinks there i think...

guess i will smile or even laugh back at this post.

Happy Birthday Ryan!!! you are offically 27 years old and also an alumni of NP mass comm as i got to know this only 2 days ago. haa haa. still absorbing that fact. haa haa haa haa haa..

my contact lenses getting dry.................................................................

My Tattoo

2006-10-26T15:25:00.000+08:00

2006-10-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

This week is a friggin busy week!!

okay. technically, i wasn't that busy for the beginning of the week. or was it? i cant remember... i watched "prestige" on tuesday? i can't even recall what i did after work on monday. i met alvin for dinner? yeah i think so. my mind is so full of what not-to-forget-to-bring for the trip.

i had been looking forward to this trip after coming back from perhentian. actually i was not ready for this trip until roland offered to lend me $$ for the trip first. oh well, a trip to know more friends isn't it? at least everything is budget.

only catch, i have a chalet on friday night. so that means i would not be home for 4 days 4 nights. my mum is pissed. i can feel it. but there's nothing i can do. other than having fun, i am harbouring the hope for me to forget. forget stuff and enjoy. and to reduce the stress. so stressful that i am seeking refuge with the beautiful pink sticks lying in the box next to me. i do not want to get addicted. but it seems difficult. iam walking towards the light........

i will be back only on tuesday. hopefully i can afford the activities that i want to try there. i consulted miss langkawi and her tips proved to be very useful. "Beer is very cheap! get drunk there!"

okay. my eyes are closing. they are so dry from the stupid purple coloured contact lenses.

wish me luck for my trip.

good luck and good night

2006-10-13T23:07:00.000+08:00

Went to JB last night and it was bloody fun. Malaysia is quite fun when you hang out with the right crowd and the correct driver like my sales guy. He drives on an average of 80km and above... just missed the chance to see or witness he drift from a passenger's view.

1930hrs: We managed to drive 3 carful of people into JB, we proceeded to Edward's family vegetarian restaurant. Then Yamin recommended not to eat too much cos there is a very famous Ramly burger stall. So for the first time, I had vegetarian as main course.

2030hrs: After taking dozens of photos, we headed down to Holiday Inn (shd be this name) to shop. But Randi, Yamin and I ended going the different way and end up having teh tarik at a road side stall eating Ramly burger.

2230hrs: No more ice kacang by the sea!! At least i got over my craving for Roti Bom as the one served in JB very different from KL. Oh yeah, did I mention that we were "attacked" by fireworks? Fear crawling up your skin knowing if that if you continue to stand there, you might be hit. Still, I stood there and I was dragged behind and realizing how close I was from disfiguring. haa haa. Very action hor. But that's how I remember that few seconds.
Scary.

0100hrs: Reached Singapore

0130hrs: Reached home with a really tired body but with lots of fun memories and photos for keepsake.

Thank you, Jane. :)

2006-10-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

Over The Rainbow

(Arlen-Harburg)

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

One of my all time favourite songs. Sang it once in primary school choir and love it ever since. Maybe that is why of so many animals, i want to become a bird the most...

2006-10-05T02:37:00.000+08:00

I did it. I managed to give it up. I tried. You gave up. You tried and this time, I gave up. This is my first time that I am "breaking up" with a friend. Aren't friendships supposed to last longer than relationships? Not when you have different priorities.

No, I can't understand. Neither can I put myself in your shoes. Cos I will stand up for myself rather than just giving it all up. Or are you just waiting for me to give you this call and end it all? I had deleted your number and soon, your msn from mine. Painful? Not really. Cos I have given it all up. I felt this way the day we talked after you MIA for months after my birthday. Should you be able to meet up for the match, there might be room for negotiations. But nope. Fate does it and I know it is time to stop everything.

Everyone is moving faster and changing faster than I could catch up. Their attitudes, their thinkings. I can't really differentiate who is who now. Who should I trust and who should I put my faith on?

2006-09-27T00:15:00.000+08:00

Just came back from dinner-cum-chill-out session with Jac and Co. It is really nice to be able to just sit back, watch Arsenal play on their plasma screens and just chill. The habit of stoning is catching up with me. It's the idea of just not doing anything, not thinking of anything, like in Zen mode...

It was comforting that I met up with some working friends that can share the stress and difficulties faced in work rather than homework, projects and exams which I definately have problem relating to.

Clubbing tomorrow will mostly likely to be cancelled due to the intervention of my cold sore and the delay of my pay. Both are driving me crazy. Feels like I am back working for some companies that can't secure my pay well...

But i surely do not mind just a dinner and chilling out and just drinking for fun. It will be fun. :) Isn't it? Life should be this fun always. Which is why I need more drinking friends. Anyone interested?

2006-09-26T14:51:00.000+08:00

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??????? ???? hey oh
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Some how this song reminds me of the times when i wake up to find you still sound asleep. As I kiss you on your cheek, you would remember I am beside you and will hug me close and tight in your arms.

2006-09-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

Sunday was fun, really fun. It's just the 2 of us, planning to have a picnic. As usual, I ended up craving for Kueh Chap and we settled our brunch @ Bedok interchange.

"I don't think we need to buy sandwiches for picnic already..." I suggested.

"Then why do we come to Bedok Interchange so early for?" wonders Alvin.

Finally, with our happily satisfied bellies, we came to Botanic Garden.

"I had never been here. Or I might have been here before but I had forgotten..." says Alvin.

"!!!!!!! I must bring you around this place since it is fully renovated for IMF. Might as well make good use of our tax $$" suggested me.

Guess what, picnic was called off and we were walking from Tanglin Gate, watching flowers, bees, lake, DuckS, birds, fishes and all things nature. Did I mention a Golden Retriever puppy too? I had to drag Alvin away in case the puppy's owner shout molest.

It was rerally relaxing... Walking and just talking crap like these:

"Wow. That's a really big koi." says Alvin
"Yeah man! It looks like it will soon be eating up the smaller fishes around it."
"Ha ha! You are saying that this koi will eat other fish?!"
"You never hear of `Big fish Eat Small Fish` meh? That's why people buy small fish to feed bigger fish!! Really!!"

The arguement went on and Alvin just walked out of the conversation with a cold laugh.
"Heh. Big fish eat Small fish. Funny."

The next thing we know, we are at NUS. The Faculty of Law. Hmmm....
"Call Lynn and ask hr what is the shortest way to get out of here." Alvin's so smart.
"Drive. That's what she will tell you." Ann's smarter.

Photos of the day's expedition will be posted once I am in the mood to do so. Cos I am so troubled with my cold sore now. argh.

"You can presume what the other people are thinking because you are the writer. But in real life, you can't. Cos I am not writing my own story. People around me do and it is how they think of me which will be reflected in their story..."

2006-09-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

It is kinda scary thinking about it. Am I trusting the right person? Is there such thing as being more right than the other? who should I believe?

People change faster than the weather. I wasn't prepared for the change. But I gotta face it everyday. Monday to Friday. At least 8 hours a day. To put it simply, it's politics.

I am still caught in fairyland. Working hard and realized, I need to work smart too. How? I am learning. Every place has a different environment. And I need to adapt. Through experience.

I just want to work, get my pay every month and have fun. I am alright with stress. I love stress. I love to kill myself with work. But please spare me the politics. Am I playing along the rules? Am I right? Am I more right than the rest?

Questions keep racing through my head. The Voice is there. Asking me all these questions that I have no answer for. I can't stop The Voice either cos I want to know the answer too. Why isn't there any answers?

Maybe I just need more drinks after work. To stop The Voice.

2006-09-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

Call me attention grabber but the pregnant thing is for fun la. It is really interesting to see Sonia coming up to me, so concerned and verifying the post. :) Haa haa.

I just watched Little Miss Sunshine with Alvin. It is a NICE movie. It is not a feel-good movie neither is it a GREAT movie. It is just NICE. You feel a little warmth when the little sister just moves everyone with her innocent yet sincere look. There are times when my tears developed in my eyes which would roll back in with a joke on the sad matter.

But it is real. Theren are no fairytale ending (and I certainly did not expect any).
There are more than just one person dying everyday.
There are more losers than winners.
Beautiful girls are skinny.
Skinny girls do not get fat on ice-cream.
Losers do not get fairytale endings.

Oh well, take life with a peck of salt (why salt and not sugar?) and the world is a much better place to live in with more great people to hang out and work with. Isn't it?

2006-09-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

"I had found the most important hting in my life. It is sprakles brighter than the stars in the sky to me. I held it closely in my hands for fear that I might lose it. So I told myself that I must treasure you."- Let's Get Married.

Bloody Taiwanese drama series that got all the cheesy lines and scenes but the Cheena part of me still have a soft spot for such dramas.

I still hope someone as cute as Mike He can ask me to get married to him. *Blushes*

2006-09-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

Wheee~~

One long day. Or should i say short. Woke up late. Reached office late. Realized I should had worn pants instead of skirt. Too late. We are setting off to set up shops' display. Y am i so positive that i might have the chance to change into a pair of pants or shorts? Obviously I did not, for the rest of the day.

It was fun. Getting to travel around and sit in a car that goes 120km/hr, not on an expressway. Eating quickly and rushing from one place to another. Justr reminds me of my days back at Mediacorp.

Time whizzed by and the next moment i know, its 7pm and I am still at Bukit Panjang Plaza. Oh, did I mention, i was allocated to the north-west areas so i went to shopping centres that i will never go by my own. Interesting.

We scraped adhesive left over by scotch-tape used by some idiotic fellow who uses that to stick their posters. On the floor, we were scraping, i am wearing skirt and my colleague, is pregnant. I am bloody worried for her but i don;t wanna nag too much cos she is more senior than me and i cant let more people know that i was pregnant before. :)

Great day. but what will await me from The Office tomorrow?

2006-09-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

i am trying to let go. trust me. i am trying very hard. and i think i am improving :)

2006-09-15T00:04:00.000+08:00

I am so tired, it feels like every drip of energy is being drained out of me. I think its because of the movie The Banquet. The movie uses so much of your brain cells and make you think what are the motives behind the characters' actions. It is exhausting watching the movie. So tired that I can't join Alvin at MOS. I miss dancing RnB hip hop with him especially when we both are quite high :)

Stupid movie. If not, I will be gulping volka and grooving to RB hip-hop. Never mind. There's always Zouk tomorrow. :)

2006-09-12T15:09:00.000+08:00

Dear Ann,

I know you’re upset and you’re wondering why some people do the things they do. After all if they do cherish the friendship, they will try their best to make it work and all things will be fine. That’s what you think right? Well, I understand that too. We rather friendship over relationship…and when someone else, especially a close friend of yours choose the latter, we wonder what has become of their promises.

I used to get hell pissed, angry and irritated….but after a while, I realize its no point because at the end of the day, I know I’ll always be there and even if they don’t treasure anything, it’s their loss you know. Do not be upset or disappointed that he chose his girlfriend over you…..be happy that he’s willing to make another girl happy and in a way making himself happy. Sometimes we think too much and we think that most of the time its our fault. But know that its not. You can tell he’s feeling just as upset that he has to lose you like this.

You’re alright babe…really. Its strange but I get where you’re coming from.

Hope you feel better.

*hugs*

- How office email helps. Thank you, Kelly :) -

2006-09-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

I should be grateful. I am counting my blessing everyday.

I am grateful that I get to have breakfast made by my mummy everyday.

I am grateful for the wonderful colleagues that my new office had given me. They are more than just colleagues. They are the sanity within the insanity of the sanity in the office.

I am grateful that Alvin is there for me when I needed someone to call and to ask someone out. I am just grateful that I had found you.

I am grateful for the piggies. Despite the silly nickname we coined, we had grown and matured together. Sounds like fruit isn't it? Wonderful people you guys are.

I am grateful to Pohling for introducing me to YCK and always there to encourage me to continue to work and party hard. :)

I am grateful that I found YCK. Other than bringin joy, they taught me to enforce discipline and make me realized that the kids are no much differnt from us.

I am grateful that I had a shelter to return to and the laughter that everyone had brought around me.

Everything looks too good to be true. But when I think harder, there are alot of happy stuff and people around me that can bring me joy.

There shouldn't be any reason to be down. Isn't it?

2006-09-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

Breakdown- Jack Johnson

I hope this old train breaks down
then I could take a walk around
and, see what there is to see
time is just a melody
With all the people in the street
walking fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my window's got a view
Well the frame I'm looking through
seems to have no concern for now
so for now I

I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down

Well this engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
so I dont even make a sound
Because its gunna sting me when I leave this town
And all the people in the street
that I'll never get to meet
if these tracks dont bend somehow
and I got no time
that I got to get to
where I dont need to be
So I

I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down

I need this
old train to breakdown
oh please just
let me please breakdown

I want to break on down
but I cant stop now
let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing
if you got no control
of the thoughts in your mind
that you kept and you know
you dont know nothing
but you dont need to know
the wisdom's in the trees
not the glass windows
You can't stop wishing
If you don't let go
of the things that you find
and you lose, and you know
you keep on rolling
put the moment on hold
the frame's too bright
so put the blinds down low

I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down
I need this
old train to break down
oh please just
let me please break down
I want to break on down
but I cant stop now

Yeah. I want to break down.

2006-09-10T01:42:00.000+08:00

Hate Me - Blue October

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

2006-08-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

I am so sorry. I am bad at this all the time. I can happily suggest my friends to be frank and to think I thought I am a very frank person.

I knew I would see the disappointment. I knew this is gonna end, sooner or later simply because I am not ready to step into any relationship or commit myself to anything. I understand that people will not give if they are not going to get anything back in return, especially men. So I knew from the moment you told me, that this friendship is doomed. Any form of friendship involved with the slightest infatuation is doomed for sure. Simply because men do not invest in something when there is no returns. And the girl would lose a friend she thought she had found.

Suddenly i miss all my precious girlfriends now. I seriously need a girls' night out and just bitch and talk crap for hours. To hell with boys. ha.

2006-08-07T11:40:00.000+08:00

I try not to watch the news lately. Cos' its too depressing and sad to see the ignorance of people and their leaders. The suffering and pain caused by one person's motive and power is too much for me to understand. I do not understand why they do this. I don't agree with the suffering that the innocent people had to go through.

Why why why? Is it the century of rebellion? For everyone to fight and go to war?

Please someone stop it. Is there anyone to listen to the pleas of the innocent and suffering? Is there anyone to help them?

2006-08-03T14:06:00.000+08:00

I like to make people happy and see them happy. Because I don't want them to be as sad as me.

2006-07-31T23:39:00.000+08:00

What do you do when the man you are married to changed for the worse? When you had married this man for more than 7 years and been going out with him for more than 8 years before?

How are you, as a female going to handle this change? I forgot to add that you already had 2 kids with him. You gave him chances, gave him time and gave him the space he needed. He just refused to change and continue to gamble and trying shortcuts to wealth.

Divorce? What about the kids? They do not even know what is going on and they might have to belong to one parent. How do you explain all these adults stuff to them?

Marriage is happy. I agree. It's how the two of you maintain it. Provided neither change. Who can guarantee that? Time? Love?

It is so difficult to think of this whole situation. There are so many questions and only individuals will have different answers for themselves.

Who says marriage is forever? Who says love can change a person?

This is so despairing. My stupid theory of "not getting married and not having kids" might work after all. Though I know this is just a form of escapism. To run away from it all.

2006-07-23T17:14:00.000+08:00

Saw this from a forwarded mail:

------------------APRIL BABY -------------------
Suave and compromising.
Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. 
Very talkative.
Calm and cool.
Kind and sympathetic. 
Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others.
Very confident.
Sensitive.
Positive Attitude.
Thinking generous. 
Good memory.
Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information.
Able to cheer evryone up and/or make them laugh. 
Able to motivate oneself and others.
Understanding.
Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy.
Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic.
Hott but has brains.

Its email like this that makes my day. :)

2006-07-20T15:12:00.000+08:00

Why do I still sit down in the bus when its only 2 more stops to my bus stop?

It is because I fall very easily on the bus even when i use all my strength to hold on to the cold thin rod.

2006-07-13T23:08:00.000+08:00

Hi Lily,

Thank you for your comment. Sorry that the latest post is still about friendship. It's this jerk that had promised to be there but just disappeared suddenly. Idiot.

Anyway, your comment moved me alot that I had run out of my office cubicle so I don't "lose it" at my table. Everything. All the sweet memories came back suddenly and it suddenly felt so painful.

I missed those days alot. Those we had problems, we solved them together and blah blah.... the list goes on. I know it is impossible to go back to those days but it really moved me that you are still reading my blog. Despite so much stuff that I had said. But till now, I would not take back my words unless I can meet up with you to clarify. :) Yes, I am still so stubborn. I need a full-stop to end everything.

You drink? Accompany me go drinking one day k. I am so tired of taking care of others, I just wish that I can just get drunk cos I can trust the person beside me to take care of me. Maybe we can just get drunk together.

How have you been? Care to meet up? Are you working? Got boyfriend already?

There are so many questions I want to ask. Give me a positive reply. Please.

Regards,
Annie Beanie

2006-07-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you find new friends but lose some old ones. New experiences will be created with new friend yet memories of old friends flood back once in a while. And it makes me wonder"I've tried reviving whatever friendship we had but since you do not cherish this as much as I do, I'd rather give up and live on whatever good memories that you had left me with".

I know that will come to an end, just not as abruptly as it happened.

2006-07-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

I don't want to go home yet. I enjoy this sadist feeling of piling myself with work. Lots and lots of work so I would not have time to think about other stuff. Stuff that make me sad. Which is bad cos I am also turning to alcohol for relieve of the emotions that are accumulating inside me. These evil stuff are trapped inside until i can cry after the alcohol numb my senses and evoke my emotions easily. In the meanwhile, I will just continue to use my loud laughter to cover up all the crying.

2006-07-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

Like you said, "Ann, you love yourself more than anyone else."

2006-06-27T09:36:00.000+08:00

Almost every man want to have children 'cos they are not the one giving birth.

2006-06-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

World Cup is like a curse to me.

4 years ago, in South Korea, I got dumped. No wonder I had no memory of who was the winner or what happened where.

4 years later, in Germany, I realized i had met the right person at the wrong time.

As a disclaimer, I am alright. I am dealing fine with my decision, we are still friends. It takes time, either for me to get used to it or for me to regret it. But I certainly do not mind more meet ups with friends and MONOPOLY sessions.

2006-06-25T02:35:00.000+08:00

I put on make up not because I want to look good, its 'cos I feel ugly.

2006-06-23T01:17:00.000+08:00

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

damn cool site.

2006-06-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

"You belong to a very differnt planet from me."

"Huh?" You gave me a puzzled and you-think-i-am-a-weirdo look.

"Or rather, I should say, we belong to very different planets."

"Haa.. maybe that's why we can get along."

"What's your horoscope?"

"Sagittarus."

"When's your birthday?"

"7th December"

The SECOND saggitarus fellow I met in a day. How coincidental could it be. Kel, you are one scary person. :p
I never thought that I will have a friend like you. So focused in your work, so focused in earning money. Almost all of my friends enjoy their life away. And there I am, waiting for you while you walked up and down with your PDA saying stuff like "Yeah, NTUC....., Aviva also good.... Nono.. too risky....yeah..." at 2245hrs.

As we sat down in the train to go home, you showed me 43200. "That's the amount you must be assured should you die. This is based on how much you give your mum every month." Annd you did another round of calculations again.

Will I be able to use all these money should I just get crashed by a car tomorrow morning? Maybe you would say "Damn it. You should have bought insurance earlier."

I felt a lot after meeting you. Is this what's life about? Planning it well, follow your plan and you get what you had aimed at. Or is life just random arrangements of holidays, clubbing, shopping and just plain fun?

I can't seem to enter that planet of yours or am I just too easily contented that I don't see the need to be so hardworking and plan my life so well?

Oh well, you can plan for me anyway. So I shall see what you can plan for me next week :)

2006-06-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

Quotes i want to remember:

changes are inevitable..
- Lynnie

Cheer up babe... we'll always be there for you - Chang...it only matters if u are happy. Get it dear? - Kelly
Be strong! U can stand firmly on ur own 2 feet.. remember any other guy is alwaz a bonus to ur life =)
- From the Prince from my new office :)

I want the old you back. Where did you go? Did I lose you half way without realizing it? Will you come back?

I miss you alot. So much that it hurts.

2006-06-02T12:59:00.000+08:00

I was walking home one night when I saw this little girl aged 4 plus talking to what seemed to be her brother who is around 13 or 14 years old. Although I could not understand what were they talking about (as they were talking in Malay), I could see the brother trying his best to communicate with the sister who obviously was still talking in her baby language (meaning only she can understand). His half amused, yet "i-am-listening" expression made me, as a by-passer, smiled to myslef as I walked behind them.

I had always wished to have an elder brother/ sister. I am so sick of the idea that I am the eldest (tho I have only one sister) and I am supposed to be the example. Parents will dote more on the younger one. I am so sick of having to take care of the family because of I am the eldest. The younger one get spared from mistakes. I wished to be taken care of. I wished to be protected at home. I wished he could be there for me when I go home and we could watch soccer or play games together. I wished he would be alot older than me so that we would not fight so much.

I am tired of taking care. I want to be taken care of now.

2006-06-01T01:58:00.000+08:00

Please do not waste precious $$ on this movie unless you are a real house film person that do not mind an occasional steamy sex scenes between 2 not-so-looking-but-have-great-body actor and actress. I slipped in and out of sleep. Most saddening is that Ji Jin-He did not have any sex scenes at all. Maybe his good image will stay this way with me.

I don't even remember sleeping while watching 3 times. Despite the sleep-inducing music with no dialogue, ShuQi ever so-just-woke-up look, volume of snoring increasing without any protest and the number of people walking out.

Happy Birthday! This is the surprise I wanna spring on you. Alvin managed to help me retrieve the photos which I thought is gone. Its really sad cos he had been one of the best guy friend you could ever have, almost like a gay friend, you know. But I realized when a guy gets attached, either his girlfriend hates you or scared that you, as a girl, will snatch him away then you would totally lose contact with this fellow. This fellow that was so spastic, so fun to talk and hang out with. The late night calls, the help I got for school, the crazy songs. Look, I do not even dare to reveal too much about him. Feels like some big celeb tat wants to hides everything from the paparazzi. I can sell this tragic story to 8 Days or Lian He Wan Bao if they want. Who volunteer to be my PR manager or publisit?
Miss my FWD and those times we had. Thanks for keeping my sanity. Thanks for everything.
Happy Birthday.

2006-06-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

The night when I realized how important photos are to me. Those photos were of my happier days of Poly. Those photos reminded me of all the memories that I want to remember. Now they are all gone just because the fucked up website request me to pay 4.55USD for an upgrade of my account to be able to open my folder. Don't they realize that how important these photos are to the user. If not I wouldn't have painstakingly post them up online.

The sense of loss is so great especially those memories will never be relived again. Never...

Happy Birthday to my friend who disappeared AKA FWD. Wanted to surprise you with something but the bloody website is obstructing my plan. To think I thought of the plan in the toilet and being so proud of my intelligence.

The day when you turned 21, you became my FWD. But all da best to you and the
Dutch rules.

2006-05-24T03:08:00.000+08:00

Why am I blogging suddenly? Cos World of Warcraft is under maintenance on Tuesday and i am still waiting for my wet and limp hair to dry.

So sad. i should start to try to learn how to do screen shots of my character in WoW. She is called Annion, currently at Level 16 and is now very lost as she is down with a couple of quests but kinda scary ones that may risk her dying and running back to her body again as a ghost.

I am really hooked to this game. Whenever i reached home, the first thing I do is to log on to the game. Unless there is a really really interesting show on SCV.

Oh yeah, did I mention I had subscribed to SCV for World Cup? The company is so smart in having this half price for the first 4 months and pay-per-view World Cup matches. Now that I had SCV, I no longer go to the channels with "0" in front of them. I really wonder what the heck had i been watching on free-to-air channels? CRAP.

Update on my sea monkeys: Overfed by me 2 days ago and I have only 2 alive ones after I try to clear the water murky with " sea monkey food" just now. :) AT LEAST 2 survived :)

The one person happiest with me addicted to WoW is my mum definately. She gets to watch the SCV, and I would be at home with her though most of the time I would be staring at my character. She dun need to be worried as of where will I be. :)))

2006-05-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

From those days back in Chung Cheng,

we were almost together 24/7 in school from Monday to Friday.

From meeting up for pledge-taking in the morning,

to going home from school.

We gamely dressed up for whatever the school had arranged.(Cos it's better to lose face together than to just lose face alone.)

We tried our best to spend time celebrating each other's birthday and unless there's time and money constraints, the celebration would just be postponed. Never once was one cancelled.

After Graduation,we tried our best to meet whenever we can. Sometimes in spite of our parents' harsh timing or hectic working schedule and not to mention limited pocket money.
So there were stayovers...
badminton trips...
birthday meetups (again :p),
more stayovers without anyone to take photos for us.

That was a meet up to go Kelly's Dance,
this was a wacky photo with 2 fabulous looking wackos posing with a weird looking rock.
More BBQ and buffets,
squeezing into camera.
And lastly, this is for Birthday Girl Changli. Happy Birthday babe! & thank you for everything!

2006-05-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

More Photos of the people on the beautiful island.
I decided not to be lazy anymore. :P